Leroy is demented. His mind no longer works in a reasonable fashion. He lives with his wife who loves him and wants to keep him home as long as possible. It is our job to care for him during the day, keep him warm, full and happy. Leroy is easily stressed and when he becomes stressed his adrenalin kicks in and he goes into fight mode. Today the staff is setting up for the Art Party. There is a lot of motion, a lot of carrying to and fro and people chatting in anticipation. Preparing for an event stresses the staff and it stresses Leroy.
Leroy approached the nurse's desk and one of the staff members told him to sit down. Leroy became upset, gave the staff member a dirty look and she told him to sit down again, in a louder tone of voice. Her voice set off another demented client who called Leroy a son of a bitch. Leroy flushed bright red and sat down, glowering. The stage was set and I was called in to "fix" things before they escalated.
I got Leroy a glass of milk because he likes milk. He asked for cereal too. I got him cereal. He calmed down and began to eat. It seemed reasonable enough to me to please him. Don't we all like to be pleased, demented or whatever passes for "not demented?" The staff, who had called me to "fix" things, because that's my business, did not like the way I fixed them.
"Well what are we going to do?" asked the nurse. "Feed him all day?"
"I think if we let him calm down you will see he won't want to eat all day. He will forget what he was angry about. What we need to do is not confront him. We all know the nature of his disease. He is the client and we are the professionals." I guess I should not have said that. I am not always smart.
"We can't put up with this nonsense," said another staff member. "He's a big man and I don't want to get hurt. He doesn't belong here."
Suddenly I hit the wall. "Then where does he belong? In a nursing home where they will tie him to a bed, drug him so he can drool and wet himself until he dies? We know what happens to our people once they leave us. Our mission is to allow these people to stay home as long as their families are willing to keep them home."
"They don't pay me enough to take care of him!"
DAMN! Those words make me crazy! All I can think is, "If you don't want to work here, why are you here? How much money is enough money to take care of the Leroys of this world?"
"Then let me know what you want to do with him!" I said. "It is obvious to me you don't want to work with him so it's your call. Get the staff together and make a decision. If you want him gone from here I can make that happen today!!!"
I went back to my office. I am sitting here wondering what it takes to give a frightened, demented man a glass of milk and a bowl of cereal and leave him alone to compose himself.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
It’s all about being right… Monday, August 27, 2007
It seems to me that life has two components…. what happened and the story we tell ourselves about what happened. Though the way we remember facts may be perfect, it is always tinged by our perception and emotions. So, our perception, emotion stained facts become a story that we tell ourselves, our friends, lovers, spouses and in time our children… who are already busy working on their own stories.
In our stories about our life the problems are always someone else's fault. Imagine that! The more we think about and tell our stories the more real they become until finally, to us, they become, not the story but the fact. Forgiveness becomes difficult, if not impossible, because we have become so entrenched in our story about what happened that we forget the other people involved are just that… people… imperfect and destined to make mistakes. Incredibly, they have their life stories too and in their stories, we are wrong.
Ultimately our primary goal becomes not to live our lives, but to be right about our life stories. And thus, we give up living in favor of being right.
In our stories about our life the problems are always someone else's fault. Imagine that! The more we think about and tell our stories the more real they become until finally, to us, they become, not the story but the fact. Forgiveness becomes difficult, if not impossible, because we have become so entrenched in our story about what happened that we forget the other people involved are just that… people… imperfect and destined to make mistakes. Incredibly, they have their life stories too and in their stories, we are wrong.
Ultimately our primary goal becomes not to live our lives, but to be right about our life stories. And thus, we give up living in favor of being right.
the Lamed Vav ...Thursday, September 06, 2007
Several days ago I had a conversation with a dear friend that today, has me thinking about "lamed-vavniks". Jewish legend has it that the "lamed-vavniks" are 36 completely righteous, good people committing acts of kindness, taking pity on the poor and compassion on the helpless and it was for their sake that the world was created. Legend also says that as long as God can find 36 righteous people the world will go on and of course, on the day He can't find 36 "lamed-vavniks" the world will perish.
The world is a complicated place populated by complex people and every day I am amazed that life goes on as well as it does. It seems to me the world operates by agreements and small acts of kindness. Most of us agree to stop at red lights and to pay for what we take from stores. If it were not for such agreements the world would be chaos. Of course I don't believe the legend of "lamed-vavniks." It seems to me however that some people are "lamed-vavniks" in their own right, working at "tikkun olam"… repairing the world and making a difference. Some of us march on Washington to right the problems in government…. some of us feed the hungry (though it's against the law in some parts of Las Vegas)…. some of us hold the hand of the ill and dying and some of us fight for our children, the children of the world. Some of us walk to raise money for Alzheimer's disease research or Diabetes and some of us merely extend a helping hand to our fellow man. Making a difference. In my mind it's the intention to do something to make a difference that keeps chaos at bay.
I have to believe that the majority of the people on the planet have some degree of righteousness or the legend of the "lamed-vavniks" would be real and the world would perish.
The world is a complicated place populated by complex people and every day I am amazed that life goes on as well as it does. It seems to me the world operates by agreements and small acts of kindness. Most of us agree to stop at red lights and to pay for what we take from stores. If it were not for such agreements the world would be chaos. Of course I don't believe the legend of "lamed-vavniks." It seems to me however that some people are "lamed-vavniks" in their own right, working at "tikkun olam"… repairing the world and making a difference. Some of us march on Washington to right the problems in government…. some of us feed the hungry (though it's against the law in some parts of Las Vegas)…. some of us hold the hand of the ill and dying and some of us fight for our children, the children of the world. Some of us walk to raise money for Alzheimer's disease research or Diabetes and some of us merely extend a helping hand to our fellow man. Making a difference. In my mind it's the intention to do something to make a difference that keeps chaos at bay.
I have to believe that the majority of the people on the planet have some degree of righteousness or the legend of the "lamed-vavniks" would be real and the world would perish.
Ramblings of a moving mind....Saturday, September 15, 2007
My home is full of boxes. I am packing to move and the process is disquieting. Today I am packing books and little things from my bookshelves. I found the acorns my granddaughters and I gathered from the cemetery in Georgia and the memories came back. It was cold and little Mary was a baby, just up off the floor. Her daddy put underwear on her head to keep it warm. Our JoJo lost a tooth in the lobby of the Atlanta Hilton and Evan helped her clean the blood, both of them grossed out and giggling. Kasia added her throaty laugh.
That night, the Hooch ate pizza with the little girls in the hotel while Jill, Lori and I ate dinner at Pitty Pat's Porch… black eyed peas, greens, cornbread and sweet tea, the food of my childhood. I consider that meal with my daughter and daughter-in-law a gift from my son.
Next day we went to Mass at Our Lady of Lourdes in Sweet Auburn. It was cold but the sun was warm and the music circled us in love. Little Mary walked away from her daddy and stood in front of the choir, mouth open as if to catch the notes. Everyone smiled. How delicious to spend time with my children and granddaughters in the place I grew up.
But today I am packing boxes.
I am clear about the lessons I am "relearning" from moving. The essence of life is change and all life is impermanence and this will not be my last move. The memories are moving with me, packed safely in my heart. Still, moving is disquieting to my soul.
That night, the Hooch ate pizza with the little girls in the hotel while Jill, Lori and I ate dinner at Pitty Pat's Porch… black eyed peas, greens, cornbread and sweet tea, the food of my childhood. I consider that meal with my daughter and daughter-in-law a gift from my son.
Next day we went to Mass at Our Lady of Lourdes in Sweet Auburn. It was cold but the sun was warm and the music circled us in love. Little Mary walked away from her daddy and stood in front of the choir, mouth open as if to catch the notes. Everyone smiled. How delicious to spend time with my children and granddaughters in the place I grew up.
But today I am packing boxes.
I am clear about the lessons I am "relearning" from moving. The essence of life is change and all life is impermanence and this will not be my last move. The memories are moving with me, packed safely in my heart. Still, moving is disquieting to my soul.
Page’s survey ...Thursday, September 27, 2007
I normally post these under bulletins but Page (the Monklet) posted it under blog so I will too. I feel like a follower today.
1. Why are you home?
because I am finished working and finished drinking coffee and talking so now I am home, thinking about working on my Manhattan skyline painting...
2. Have you ever seen the show Scrubs?
no… should I?
3. Do you like anyone?
no… and Monklet you know what it means and I know you know that I know you are playing with us acting like you don't know what it means…
4. Do you know anyone named Michael?
I do…
5. What kind of toilet paper do you use?
white
7. Do you like sunflowers?
I like the flowers, I like the seeds, I like the painting
8. How about sand?
what… sand has seeds? I didn't know that!
9. Do you have asthma?
only in the presence of strong smells
10. Do you think the word "fork" is weird?
no… but I think the word spork is weird… as mr jones says a spork is a bi-utensil
11. Which pet would you rather have if it were legal, a penguin or an alligator?
I already have a penguin… shhhhh…
12. What kind of vacuum cleaner do you own?
I don't know... but it sucks real good
13. If you could have any job you wanted, for just one day what would it be?
for one day I would like to be a billionaire… I'm betting I could give away a cool billion in 24 hours… ya think? wait... is billionaire a job? yeah I think so...
14. Can you draw a perfect heart?
maybe… whose heart is it?
15. How many rings do you have on?
8 on my fingers and the others are… uhhh…
16. Have any pictures on your dresser mirror?
not on the mirror… on the dresser… they won't stand up on the mirror
17. Which would you rather have, a great smile or a great body?
as Carin says it is a work in progress and everyone has a different definition of what a "great body" is… and I am going with Carin on that
18. When talking to a guy you're interested in, have you ever stared at their crotch?
what??? I mean seriously… WHAT???
19. Is the sound on your computer on right now?
can you hear it from there?
21. Have you seen the movie 300?
no, but John said it was worth going to the theater to see so it must be good
22. How about Chuck and Larry?
they didn't say
23. Isn't it annoying when commercials repeat themselves a million times?
Commercials?... I don't watch commercials with one notable exception… I love those caveman commercials and I am going to watch the show on October 2nd…. seriously… are you?
24. Have you ever been a victim of a cheesy pick up line?
the cheesiest!
25. Have you ever been bitten by a mosquito?
yes and other things too
26. Do you believe in angels?
they are the people who help you when you least expect it
27. Do you keep cards people got you for Christmas/Birthday etc?
sometimes… depends on who the peeps are
28. The last person you laughed at?
at or with? It's mean to laugh at people!
29. How many mirrors do you have in your house?
too many
30. Do you like to kiss?
what kinda question is that?
31. Do you like Cheetos?
with what?
32. Have any fans on?
what? fans? I don't wear fans!
33. Were you sad when The WB changed to CW?
what? The WB changed? now I am sad!
34. Are you lactose intolerant?
I am a tolerant person and I have nothing against lactose!
35. What's worse, being angry or being disappointed?
at what? or whom? how did this happen?
36. Dude, do you have a Dell?
Dude! I do!
1. Why are you home?
because I am finished working and finished drinking coffee and talking so now I am home, thinking about working on my Manhattan skyline painting...
2. Have you ever seen the show Scrubs?
no… should I?
3. Do you like anyone?
no… and Monklet you know what it means and I know you know that I know you are playing with us acting like you don't know what it means…
4. Do you know anyone named Michael?
I do…
5. What kind of toilet paper do you use?
white
7. Do you like sunflowers?
I like the flowers, I like the seeds, I like the painting
8. How about sand?
what… sand has seeds? I didn't know that!
9. Do you have asthma?
only in the presence of strong smells
10. Do you think the word "fork" is weird?
no… but I think the word spork is weird… as mr jones says a spork is a bi-utensil
11. Which pet would you rather have if it were legal, a penguin or an alligator?
I already have a penguin… shhhhh…
12. What kind of vacuum cleaner do you own?
I don't know... but it sucks real good
13. If you could have any job you wanted, for just one day what would it be?
for one day I would like to be a billionaire… I'm betting I could give away a cool billion in 24 hours… ya think? wait... is billionaire a job? yeah I think so...
14. Can you draw a perfect heart?
maybe… whose heart is it?
15. How many rings do you have on?
8 on my fingers and the others are… uhhh…
16. Have any pictures on your dresser mirror?
not on the mirror… on the dresser… they won't stand up on the mirror
17. Which would you rather have, a great smile or a great body?
as Carin says it is a work in progress and everyone has a different definition of what a "great body" is… and I am going with Carin on that
18. When talking to a guy you're interested in, have you ever stared at their crotch?
what??? I mean seriously… WHAT???
19. Is the sound on your computer on right now?
can you hear it from there?
21. Have you seen the movie 300?
no, but John said it was worth going to the theater to see so it must be good
22. How about Chuck and Larry?
they didn't say
23. Isn't it annoying when commercials repeat themselves a million times?
Commercials?... I don't watch commercials with one notable exception… I love those caveman commercials and I am going to watch the show on October 2nd…. seriously… are you?
24. Have you ever been a victim of a cheesy pick up line?
the cheesiest!
25. Have you ever been bitten by a mosquito?
yes and other things too
26. Do you believe in angels?
they are the people who help you when you least expect it
27. Do you keep cards people got you for Christmas/Birthday etc?
sometimes… depends on who the peeps are
28. The last person you laughed at?
at or with? It's mean to laugh at people!
29. How many mirrors do you have in your house?
too many
30. Do you like to kiss?
what kinda question is that?
31. Do you like Cheetos?
with what?
32. Have any fans on?
what? fans? I don't wear fans!
33. Were you sad when The WB changed to CW?
what? The WB changed? now I am sad!
34. Are you lactose intolerant?
I am a tolerant person and I have nothing against lactose!
35. What's worse, being angry or being disappointed?
at what? or whom? how did this happen?
36. Dude, do you have a Dell?
Dude! I do!
it’s about jobs or something like that ...October 03, 2007
My friend Emma and I have always agreed to disagree about some things and be tolerant of each other's views. Actually that's not true. Emma knows my beliefs and ideas and she has agreed to take every opportunity to try to change my mind and I have agreed to listen and not espouse my views because as she says, "I knew the moment I met you who you are and what you believe and I love you anyway." Emma's not the only person who loves me in spite of myself.
Emma's current campaign is called "those illegals" … read anyone who speaks Spanish.
"Spanish is practically the official language of California," she says. "There are Spanish TV stations in California! Kate, they are teaching Spanish in our schools! Now you know that's not right! They are taking all our jobs." Emma has a job and so do I. I refrain from saying, "At least they haven't taken ours yet." I pray daily for a civil tongue.
"They come across the border just to have their babies so they can get medical services and Kate, real Americans are doing without medical care." Emma is adamantly opposed to any kind of national health care because, "Kate, look what it's doing to Canada and England."
Now I'm not saying someone is right here; only that we hold differing views.
Last week we were in her kitchen drinking coffee and eating crème brulee. It goes without saying that Emma made it. Cooking is not one of my talents but it's certainly one of hers. "You make the best crème brulee I have ever eaten," I said.
"I love to cook as long as I don't have to do the dishes," Emma said. "You know when my husband and I owned the restaurant we had a dishwasher named Arturo and that man would not let me put my hands near dishwater. I have never felt so pampered in my life. He spoke broken English but he let me know his Senora could not wash dishes. He had the sweetest wife and a little one. My husband took him across the border to pick them up and I was a nervous wreck the whole time he was gone. I just knew they would catch Lenny bringing illegals across the border and he would spend the rest of his life in a Mexican prison and I would never see him again."
Okay, praying for a civil tongue has not worked. I slipped.
"Are you telling me you employed "illegals" in your restaurant?"
"Oh sure. They were really great workers and cheap too. And Kate, they were so loyal to us because we were good to them."
I am not drawing any conclusions here. As my friend lzbth would say, "I'm just saying."
Emma's current campaign is called "those illegals" … read anyone who speaks Spanish.
"Spanish is practically the official language of California," she says. "There are Spanish TV stations in California! Kate, they are teaching Spanish in our schools! Now you know that's not right! They are taking all our jobs." Emma has a job and so do I. I refrain from saying, "At least they haven't taken ours yet." I pray daily for a civil tongue.
"They come across the border just to have their babies so they can get medical services and Kate, real Americans are doing without medical care." Emma is adamantly opposed to any kind of national health care because, "Kate, look what it's doing to Canada and England."
Now I'm not saying someone is right here; only that we hold differing views.
Last week we were in her kitchen drinking coffee and eating crème brulee. It goes without saying that Emma made it. Cooking is not one of my talents but it's certainly one of hers. "You make the best crème brulee I have ever eaten," I said.
"I love to cook as long as I don't have to do the dishes," Emma said. "You know when my husband and I owned the restaurant we had a dishwasher named Arturo and that man would not let me put my hands near dishwater. I have never felt so pampered in my life. He spoke broken English but he let me know his Senora could not wash dishes. He had the sweetest wife and a little one. My husband took him across the border to pick them up and I was a nervous wreck the whole time he was gone. I just knew they would catch Lenny bringing illegals across the border and he would spend the rest of his life in a Mexican prison and I would never see him again."
Okay, praying for a civil tongue has not worked. I slipped.
"Are you telling me you employed "illegals" in your restaurant?"
"Oh sure. They were really great workers and cheap too. And Kate, they were so loyal to us because we were good to them."
I am not drawing any conclusions here. As my friend lzbth would say, "I'm just saying."
“old” glasses ...Sunday, October 07, 2007
Yesterday afternoon a friend and I sat on the grassy bank of a lake at Desert Shores. The water was a dark blue green and a little choppy. The chilly wind was blowing my hair and the sun was warm.
"This is a peaceful place," my friend said and I agreed.
"Did you notice how beautiful the sky and clouds are?" He pointed across the lake. I had noticed.
Emerald green headed Mallards and their brown ladies bobbed by as if in watery rocking chairs. Sleek little black coots upended themselves looking for food. Suddenly the mallards lifted themselves from the water and flew east around the lake and to the other side.
"I wonder how they all know it's time to fly like that." I said. "I mean, who gives the signal?"
My friend remembered V shaped flights of Canadian geese from when he was a child. "Funny," he said, "how we never really paid a lot of attention to those things when we were young and now, we notice the sky, the clouds, mountains, ducks, coots, the color of the water, the feel of the grass and they all seem more vivid than ever."
It's true. It's as if at some point nature fits us with our "old" glasses and what we see begins to take on new meaning. We see the pine cone or the feather on the ground beside us and it is important, as if we are storing it in our mind for later. The sun is a sudden golden memory warming our hearts. We miss the wrinkles on the face of an old friend and see him as he was when we cruised Fremont Street as teens… smooth and sweet. The hand that points to the returning ducks is once more young.
"Here they come."
The ducks soared past us and settled into the water again at a signal we couldn't discern. They took their positions, preening and bobbing. One flapped his wings and quacked loudly. The coots were undisturbed, still looking for food.
My friend and I sat on the grassy bank and watched, wearing our "old" glasses.
"This is a peaceful place," my friend said and I agreed.
"Did you notice how beautiful the sky and clouds are?" He pointed across the lake. I had noticed.
Emerald green headed Mallards and their brown ladies bobbed by as if in watery rocking chairs. Sleek little black coots upended themselves looking for food. Suddenly the mallards lifted themselves from the water and flew east around the lake and to the other side.
"I wonder how they all know it's time to fly like that." I said. "I mean, who gives the signal?"
My friend remembered V shaped flights of Canadian geese from when he was a child. "Funny," he said, "how we never really paid a lot of attention to those things when we were young and now, we notice the sky, the clouds, mountains, ducks, coots, the color of the water, the feel of the grass and they all seem more vivid than ever."
It's true. It's as if at some point nature fits us with our "old" glasses and what we see begins to take on new meaning. We see the pine cone or the feather on the ground beside us and it is important, as if we are storing it in our mind for later. The sun is a sudden golden memory warming our hearts. We miss the wrinkles on the face of an old friend and see him as he was when we cruised Fremont Street as teens… smooth and sweet. The hand that points to the returning ducks is once more young.
"Here they come."
The ducks soared past us and settled into the water again at a signal we couldn't discern. They took their positions, preening and bobbing. One flapped his wings and quacked loudly. The coots were undisturbed, still looking for food.
My friend and I sat on the grassy bank and watched, wearing our "old" glasses.
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