be a duck

When I visited my Florida family in December I stayed in what Kasia and Little Mary call, "Nana's Room" … the guest room.

Every evening, after dinner and "projects" Hooch and Jill spent time putting the little girls to bed and I went to my room to relax. It was then that my 16 year old granddaughter, Evan, visited me. She wandered in, sometimes carrying Baby Ursula, sometimes alone and sat on my bed. We talked about her life, her problems … her teenage angst… her boyfriend, job, school and friends.

"Nana, sometimes people say and do things that hurt my feelings, " she said, "and I don't know what to do about it. If I say something they just get nastier and if I don't they won't stop."

That was a hard one. I wanted to tell her, "Tell them you are hurting me!" but I knew that wouldn't help my girl. People usually see that as weakness.

"Evan," I said, "practice being a duck."

She laughed. "What does that mean?" (My children and grandchildren are accustomed to me speaking in riddles.)

"When people say and do things to hurt your feelings it is all about them and never about you. Let the things they say and do roll off your back like water off a duck's back. Take yourself away from them. You can always go to the bathroom if nothing else."

Evan and I had a wonderful time together. Sometimes her daddy would wander in during our talks and we would sit around and sing together. Sometimes we would make a cup of tea and talk about books or other things. She and I went shopping one night at Beall's department store… got goofy as kids, giggling and trying on all kinds of silly clothes.

Evan was at work when I left for the airport so I left a note taped to her door. It read…

Dear Bubba,
I will miss you so much. Practice being a duck. I love you like fire and for always.
Nana

Last night I talked to Evan for about 45 minutes. She told me she's practicing being a duck and we made plans to tear up a department store when they come here in March.

Then I talked to her daddy who said, "Mama, she cried every night for a week after you left and that note is still on her door."

I love that girl.