Wednesday, August 19, 2009
the director again
When the director paces in front of my desk, talking about interfacing with Adelson, Molasky, Wynn, Reid, and the other big players and begins to speak in terms of joint synergy and increased productivity I long to tell him we are working with people! Yet I realize he is in need of admiration and I stretch back in the blue chair the previous director, MJ, left me when she retired and take refuge in the fact that there are some of us left who remember what we are about. And from my blue chair I can listen to him admire himself. And when he is finished, I realize it is a social worker's job to help people and he is a person.
somewhere between A and B
It seems to me that humans generally respond in the same fashion to similar experiences. It is what I call the "Aà B stimulus reaction thingy." Generally speaking, once we are hit with A we go straight to B without thinking, allowing ourselves to respond in the same fashion we did the last time something similar occurred. Still, there is a tiny nanosecond between A and B in which we can stop, think and choose our reaction.
The director came to my office about 40 minutes ago under the guise of brainstorming about the upcoming Adult Day Services Week observation. What he really wanted was to tell me that in the fall, his daughter, Heather, the opera singer, is appearing at Lincoln Center with Clair Barry. "You remember Clair Barry, don't you?" he asked.
My first response was to be irritated with his trivia test AND the fact that he was talking about Heather… AGAIN! But today, for some reason, I took that tiny second and saw him as who he is, a proud father who wants to talk about his daughter. I also realized that we all want attention and long to be recognized, so I listened while he told me about Heather. I lost 30 minutes of work but he left happy and I heard him down the hall asking someone else, "You remember Claire Barry, don't you?"
So to all of you who patiently listen to me when I rhapsodize about what Little Mary said on the phone the other night, or how well Maddie is doing in gymnastics (she REALLY is) I want to say, "Thank you for listening." To those of you who have never had to listen to me, I hope to talk to you soon.
The director came to my office about 40 minutes ago under the guise of brainstorming about the upcoming Adult Day Services Week observation. What he really wanted was to tell me that in the fall, his daughter, Heather, the opera singer, is appearing at Lincoln Center with Clair Barry. "You remember Clair Barry, don't you?" he asked.
My first response was to be irritated with his trivia test AND the fact that he was talking about Heather… AGAIN! But today, for some reason, I took that tiny second and saw him as who he is, a proud father who wants to talk about his daughter. I also realized that we all want attention and long to be recognized, so I listened while he told me about Heather. I lost 30 minutes of work but he left happy and I heard him down the hall asking someone else, "You remember Claire Barry, don't you?"
So to all of you who patiently listen to me when I rhapsodize about what Little Mary said on the phone the other night, or how well Maddie is doing in gymnastics (she REALLY is) I want to say, "Thank you for listening." To those of you who have never had to listen to me, I hope to talk to you soon.
... a conversation with you.. maybe...
well nuts
I didn't think it would be like this
the pathos you gave me
once described my kitchen walls in varied shades of green
some of the leaves are yellow now
some brown
I think it's too late for water
at dawn I lie huddled under
a new blanket
soft
warm
shades of blue
a confused sky
I have changed the sheets
to pale blue
the sheets with flowers
wanted me to be content
I wonder what kind of stones Aunt Emma put in her pockets when she walked into the water
were they plain ugly granite
and slag
or polished white rounds of quartz
shot through with pink
delicate and worthy
of her conveyance
you remember the stones in Aunt Emma's pockets
don't you?
am I what?
no
no
I was just considering the stones
in Aunt Emma's pockets
I didn't think it would be like this
the pathos you gave me
once described my kitchen walls in varied shades of green
some of the leaves are yellow now
some brown
I think it's too late for water
at dawn I lie huddled under
a new blanket
soft
warm
shades of blue
a confused sky
I have changed the sheets
to pale blue
the sheets with flowers
wanted me to be content
I wonder what kind of stones Aunt Emma put in her pockets when she walked into the water
were they plain ugly granite
and slag
or polished white rounds of quartz
shot through with pink
delicate and worthy
of her conveyance
you remember the stones in Aunt Emma's pockets
don't you?
am I what?
no
no
I was just considering the stones
in Aunt Emma's pockets
The brush arbor July 17, 2008
the brush arbor light was low and golden on the field
your breath
though long absent
crept close to the ground
looking for my cheek
knowing a caress would turn me back
I stood
waiting for the right wind to blow
and lift
this hair shirt I wear from habit
to loosen me
to feel real
as fire and stone
the whisper came like this
seek a new light
set your house in order
look among the stalks
for sheaved reality
and then
the feel of your breath
spun out by the golden light
caught me
the warm blade
poised for harvest
the wind stilled
and the brush arbor grew dark
your breath
though long absent
crept close to the ground
looking for my cheek
knowing a caress would turn me back
I stood
waiting for the right wind to blow
and lift
this hair shirt I wear from habit
to loosen me
to feel real
as fire and stone
the whisper came like this
seek a new light
set your house in order
look among the stalks
for sheaved reality
and then
the feel of your breath
spun out by the golden light
caught me
the warm blade
poised for harvest
the wind stilled
and the brush arbor grew dark
Martha and the internet ...August 04, 2008
The internet is an amazing thing. It is a source of information, a way to stay in touch with people you love, the means of finding people you have long since lost, a quick way to pay bills, check out library material, purchase your heart's desire, receive new pictures of your grandchildren, buy music, ad infinitum.
It was the internet that brought me to the quiet lobby of the Founder's Inn in Norfolk, Virginia, July 8… just a few weeks ago.
I met Martha on My Space, thanks to our mutual love of Jackson Browne, and I knew right away we were kindred souls. We talked back and forth through messages, laughed and lamented the state of the world. Martha was there when something troubled me. She dispensed her gentle wisdom as needed.
When I said I was going to Virginia in July, Martha offered to drive 4 hours to meet me! To say I was excited would be a HUGE understatement! I looked forward to seeing my grandchildren and spending time with my daughter and granddaughter in New York but I was actually going to meet Martha! How incredible!
Martha arranged to stay in the same place we were staying. I had been waiting for her, full of excitement, and now she was here… upstairs in her room. So there I sat, watching the elevator, waiting. The doors slid open and a small, lovely woman with silver hair and big blue eyes stepped out! Martha! I would have known her anywhere!
We hugged, stepped back, looked at each other and giggled. She was exactly as I expected! We hugged again.
Martha drove us all over Virginia Beach and we talked! We talked about mothers, children, men, my grandchildren and Martha's desire to have a grandbaby and then we talked some more. Martha took me for lunch at The Jewish Mother, a place where she used to go. I fell in love with it. We ate blintzes and talked some more. We told each other secrets as if we had been friends forever. It was as if we were trying to fit our whole lives into the few hours we had together.
After lunch we walked down by the beach and the 34-foot-high bronze King Neptune statue. A lady kindly took our picture. We stood watching the water and talked. On the way back to the Inn… we talked.
That evening Martha joined my very loud family and me for dinner. Afterwards, my daughter, granddaughter and I rode back to the Inn with Martha. The others went up to the room but Martha and I sat on the porch in large rockers and we talked… about dreams and memories and "that certain summer." It had been such a remarkable day I hated to let it go.
We met the next morning for breakfast and talked some more and then… Martha was gone. I walked back to the room, stopping on the way to sit on a bench and ponder this amazing thing that had happened. If it were not for the internet, Martha and I would have never met.
Martha, I love you and miss you! I have so much more to talk to you about!
It was the internet that brought me to the quiet lobby of the Founder's Inn in Norfolk, Virginia, July 8… just a few weeks ago.
I met Martha on My Space, thanks to our mutual love of Jackson Browne, and I knew right away we were kindred souls. We talked back and forth through messages, laughed and lamented the state of the world. Martha was there when something troubled me. She dispensed her gentle wisdom as needed.
When I said I was going to Virginia in July, Martha offered to drive 4 hours to meet me! To say I was excited would be a HUGE understatement! I looked forward to seeing my grandchildren and spending time with my daughter and granddaughter in New York but I was actually going to meet Martha! How incredible!
Martha arranged to stay in the same place we were staying. I had been waiting for her, full of excitement, and now she was here… upstairs in her room. So there I sat, watching the elevator, waiting. The doors slid open and a small, lovely woman with silver hair and big blue eyes stepped out! Martha! I would have known her anywhere!
We hugged, stepped back, looked at each other and giggled. She was exactly as I expected! We hugged again.
Martha drove us all over Virginia Beach and we talked! We talked about mothers, children, men, my grandchildren and Martha's desire to have a grandbaby and then we talked some more. Martha took me for lunch at The Jewish Mother, a place where she used to go. I fell in love with it. We ate blintzes and talked some more. We told each other secrets as if we had been friends forever. It was as if we were trying to fit our whole lives into the few hours we had together.
After lunch we walked down by the beach and the 34-foot-high bronze King Neptune statue. A lady kindly took our picture. We stood watching the water and talked. On the way back to the Inn… we talked.
That evening Martha joined my very loud family and me for dinner. Afterwards, my daughter, granddaughter and I rode back to the Inn with Martha. The others went up to the room but Martha and I sat on the porch in large rockers and we talked… about dreams and memories and "that certain summer." It had been such a remarkable day I hated to let it go.
We met the next morning for breakfast and talked some more and then… Martha was gone. I walked back to the room, stopping on the way to sit on a bench and ponder this amazing thing that had happened. If it were not for the internet, Martha and I would have never met.
Martha, I love you and miss you! I have so much more to talk to you about!
Camping...August 15, 2008
I went camping at Lee Canyon in the Toiyabe National Forest. It was my first camping experience and I loved it! I learned a lot about camping in the mountains.
Things you will need:
....
A tent.
Plenty of food. It gets hungry in the mountains.
Pots and pans to cook. I don't know why but I thought you cook every thing on a stick. Ha!
Very warm jammies and about 7 or 8 very warm blankets. It gets cold at night in the mountains. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
Toilet tissue!!!
A couple of water jugs. Did you know you have to fetch water from down the road a piece? Did you know you have to heat water to wash dishes?
You will also need lanterns, flashlights, a stove, propane and many other things I never even knew existed…
....
Things you will not need:
....
That wonderful bubble bath you just bought.
Makeup, not even lipstick.
....Cologne.... or perfume.
Your new Skechers. Don't even think about wearing them.
....
I also learned:
....
How to put up a tent. I think I could do it myself.
A bag of potato chips will explode and scare you to death at 8,500 ft.
Bees like me. I am not so fond of them.
You don't throw food like peanuts and bread for the critters right behind the tent. (Hey, how was I supposed to know?)
It's fun to take a shower by flashlight. If the water is cold and you yell, "Oh my gosh this water is cold" several times someone (I don't know who) will yell back, "If you turn it all the way up it will get warm!" It will too.
There are no mirrors in a campsite.
You dress and undress IN the tent! What a feat that is.
You must be quiet after 10 pm. 10 PM! I'm just getting started at 10!
If you think you hear a snake, it's probably a squirrel. Stay IN the tent!
If you think you hear a squirrel it's probably a snake. Stay IN the tent!
If you have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night you have to get OUT of the tent in spite of snakes or squirrels. What kind of contradiction is that?
For some reason still unknown to me, you get up early. Campers consider sleeping later than 7am lazy. I don't get it. They go camping to relax then get up at the crack of dawn when it's finally beginning to get warm enough to sleep!
....
Other things I learned:
....
Every thing you eat in the mountains tastes delicious.
When you say, "I am only going to eat one more marshmallow" you are probably wrong.
Mountain air smells very different from valley air.
It's very, very quiet at night. Do you know sound travels a long, long way in the mountains? Don't say anything you're not willing to share with the whole campground. Don't even whisper it.
You can put your tent right on the edge of the mountain and the view from the zip up window is unbelievable.
The stars from atop a mountain are amazing. It's hard to believe they burned out long ago.
This earth is a mighty big place and we are very small and inconsequential.
....
Things you will need:
....
A tent.
Plenty of food. It gets hungry in the mountains.
Pots and pans to cook. I don't know why but I thought you cook every thing on a stick. Ha!
Very warm jammies and about 7 or 8 very warm blankets. It gets cold at night in the mountains. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
Toilet tissue!!!
A couple of water jugs. Did you know you have to fetch water from down the road a piece? Did you know you have to heat water to wash dishes?
You will also need lanterns, flashlights, a stove, propane and many other things I never even knew existed…
....
Things you will not need:
....
That wonderful bubble bath you just bought.
Makeup, not even lipstick.
....Cologne.... or perfume.
Your new Skechers. Don't even think about wearing them.
....
I also learned:
....
How to put up a tent. I think I could do it myself.
A bag of potato chips will explode and scare you to death at 8,500 ft.
Bees like me. I am not so fond of them.
You don't throw food like peanuts and bread for the critters right behind the tent. (Hey, how was I supposed to know?)
It's fun to take a shower by flashlight. If the water is cold and you yell, "Oh my gosh this water is cold" several times someone (I don't know who) will yell back, "If you turn it all the way up it will get warm!" It will too.
There are no mirrors in a campsite.
You dress and undress IN the tent! What a feat that is.
You must be quiet after 10 pm. 10 PM! I'm just getting started at 10!
If you think you hear a snake, it's probably a squirrel. Stay IN the tent!
If you think you hear a squirrel it's probably a snake. Stay IN the tent!
If you have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night you have to get OUT of the tent in spite of snakes or squirrels. What kind of contradiction is that?
For some reason still unknown to me, you get up early. Campers consider sleeping later than 7am lazy. I don't get it. They go camping to relax then get up at the crack of dawn when it's finally beginning to get warm enough to sleep!
....
Other things I learned:
....
Every thing you eat in the mountains tastes delicious.
When you say, "I am only going to eat one more marshmallow" you are probably wrong.
Mountain air smells very different from valley air.
It's very, very quiet at night. Do you know sound travels a long, long way in the mountains? Don't say anything you're not willing to share with the whole campground. Don't even whisper it.
You can put your tent right on the edge of the mountain and the view from the zip up window is unbelievable.
The stars from atop a mountain are amazing. It's hard to believe they burned out long ago.
This earth is a mighty big place and we are very small and inconsequential.
....
dude...September 07, 2008
Yesterday morning I had occasion to drive my 13 year old granddaughter Jordan aka JoJo to school.
First, we picked up her best friends, India and Jared. In my car I had two long legged girls in black shirts that read "My Chemical Romance" one shorter boy in a black shirt with a skull, 1 huge black backpack, two black "messenger bags" that read "My Chemical Romance" my purse, two violins, one viola and a whole lot of young energy, none of it mine. Still young ones are a joy to be with and I was enjoying myself.
"Dude," Jared addressed me from the back seat, "how you doing?"
"Uhhh... just fine dude. How 'bout you?"
"Ah, you know."
The girls fell into giggle heaps which is not all that easy with a violin case on your lap.
"Listen India" I said, "I need you to do me a favor."
"Sure dude."
(You are addressed as "dude" regardless of your gender, dude. Got it?)
"I want JoJo to go to LVA ( Las Vegas Academy of Performing Arts, one of the best high schools in the country) and she says she doesn't want to go unless you go too. So tell me you are going to audition!"
"Dude I don't know! I think we're moving to Colorado!"
"WHAT?" JoJo and I asked together.
"Or Puerto Rico or the Bronx," Jared said.
"WHAT?" By now JoJo was bent over her violin case moaning "Issues, I'm having issues…"
"Don't worry JoJo," India said, "Our parents haven't decided anything yet. I don't think it will be for another year and we can so totally visit each other after we move."
"Oh issues…" JoJo moaned.
"Dude," I said, "why are you moving?"
"There's just nothing for kids to do in this town…" said Jared. "It's not like it was 'back in the day' you know. Now it's all about who you date and what drugs you take and we aren't real happy with that, you know?"
Suddenly, several things were going on with me at once. I was feeling sad for JoJo who might be losing her two best friends, sad for India and Jared who didn't particularly like living here, very pleased with what Jared had said about "dating and drugs" but real confused about what an 11 year old boy considered "back in the day." But, the adolescent is a skittish critter and must be approached gently. If he thinks you are laughing at him he either clams up or delivers swift and nasty retribution.
"So Jared, I think I missed the meaning of 'back in the day,'" I said carefully, willing to withdraw my statement if need be.
"You know, 2006, 2007. Things were like totally different then."
"Yeah I know," I said, smoothly. "So I am sure things will work out best for all of us."
"Yeah, we probably won't move for a year or so. India and JoJo can go to LVA together for about a year if they get past the audition."
"Get past the audition?" JoJo yelled.
"You so totally wish you were as smart as we are!" Issues seemed to be over for the moment.
"Dude, you doubt we can get into LVA?" India squealed.
"I don't doubt it," I said as they piled out of the car with violins, violas, back pack and messenger bags that read "My Chemical Romance" and joined 1500 other young people wearing black shirts, carrying instruments and back packs. "I don't doubt it at all."
I waited till I was well around the corner to laugh.
First, we picked up her best friends, India and Jared. In my car I had two long legged girls in black shirts that read "My Chemical Romance" one shorter boy in a black shirt with a skull, 1 huge black backpack, two black "messenger bags" that read "My Chemical Romance" my purse, two violins, one viola and a whole lot of young energy, none of it mine. Still young ones are a joy to be with and I was enjoying myself.
"Dude," Jared addressed me from the back seat, "how you doing?"
"Uhhh... just fine dude. How 'bout you?"
"Ah, you know."
The girls fell into giggle heaps which is not all that easy with a violin case on your lap.
"Listen India" I said, "I need you to do me a favor."
"Sure dude."
(You are addressed as "dude" regardless of your gender, dude. Got it?)
"I want JoJo to go to LVA ( Las Vegas Academy of Performing Arts, one of the best high schools in the country) and she says she doesn't want to go unless you go too. So tell me you are going to audition!"
"Dude I don't know! I think we're moving to Colorado!"
"WHAT?" JoJo and I asked together.
"Or Puerto Rico or the Bronx," Jared said.
"WHAT?" By now JoJo was bent over her violin case moaning "Issues, I'm having issues…"
"Don't worry JoJo," India said, "Our parents haven't decided anything yet. I don't think it will be for another year and we can so totally visit each other after we move."
"Oh issues…" JoJo moaned.
"Dude," I said, "why are you moving?"
"There's just nothing for kids to do in this town…" said Jared. "It's not like it was 'back in the day' you know. Now it's all about who you date and what drugs you take and we aren't real happy with that, you know?"
Suddenly, several things were going on with me at once. I was feeling sad for JoJo who might be losing her two best friends, sad for India and Jared who didn't particularly like living here, very pleased with what Jared had said about "dating and drugs" but real confused about what an 11 year old boy considered "back in the day." But, the adolescent is a skittish critter and must be approached gently. If he thinks you are laughing at him he either clams up or delivers swift and nasty retribution.
"So Jared, I think I missed the meaning of 'back in the day,'" I said carefully, willing to withdraw my statement if need be.
"You know, 2006, 2007. Things were like totally different then."
"Yeah I know," I said, smoothly. "So I am sure things will work out best for all of us."
"Yeah, we probably won't move for a year or so. India and JoJo can go to LVA together for about a year if they get past the audition."
"Get past the audition?" JoJo yelled.
"You so totally wish you were as smart as we are!" Issues seemed to be over for the moment.
"Dude, you doubt we can get into LVA?" India squealed.
"I don't doubt it," I said as they piled out of the car with violins, violas, back pack and messenger bags that read "My Chemical Romance" and joined 1500 other young people wearing black shirts, carrying instruments and back packs. "I don't doubt it at all."
I waited till I was well around the corner to laugh.
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